koi no yokan

恋の予感

‘Koi no yokan’, meaning a ‘premonition of love’, is a Japanese phrase describing the quiet feeling or sense upon meeting someone that you will eventually fall in love with them. It is not love at first sight, but rather the feeling that love between you is inevitable. The feeling before the feeling. It is also the seventh studio album by Deftones, which I suspect to be a reason as to why the phrase has become so popularized in the Western world. And that album may be their best one, but that’s not what this is about, that’s for another day.

Broken down into its meanings in Japanese (thanks to Google):

• Koi (恋): A romantic, passionate type of love or longing.

• No (の): A connecting particle (meaning "of").

• Yokan (予感): A premonition, gut feeling, or sense of what is coming before it happens.

As storybook as it sounds, it is a feeling that anyone who is intuitive and/or in touch with their emotions is familiar with, always knowing who and what is meant to be in your life. It is a feeling that I, a person who is intuitive, so to speak, have realized through my own romantic relationship and even in my friendships. It is not feeling love immediately, because of course, that takes time to bloom and grow, but as if something has shifted. Like the tectonic plates amongst the very earth we walk on. Slow, hidden and gradual forces which cause not only massive pressure, but sudden changes. It is the recognition of a connection forming between your energies, that it will be of significance. It is also not a hope that you will fall in love, it is certainty, as if your future self is arriving to you in that very moment and confirming that feeling of certainty.

It is almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy, as dramatic as a prophecy in a fantasy film, except it is in your head. But, as stated earlier, it is not the same thing as the term ‘falling in love at first sight,’ it is the urge you get into your brain that’s like ‘oh yes, this is going to mean something.’ The feeling that the love you will share is undeniable, that you would deprive yourself if you do not feel it. That you will think about it long after encountering it, which is definitely true, speaking for myself. The crazy thing is that you can feel this with someone you never actually dated, which is why so many people are so flustered over a situationship or someone who you once talked to and saw potential in. A sensation so powerful that ‘the unknown’ almost always finds a way to haunt you. Possibly the reasoning as to why love is often so tragic is because of koi no yokan? Why so many people spend their entire existence yearning a feeling of the past, rather than the person themselves.

Since this is my own metaphorical take on it, I believe it can apply to friendships as well, despite people stating it is specific to romantic love. Sometimes you just meet someone and know that they will be of importance to your life, just by sensing their energy surround you. Noticing both your energies entwining together, creating a string between your souls. Even when you meet someone and are like oh I want and need to be their friend, it's because you know that your future self already has it and that you can sense the significance of it despite JUST meeting them.

It can even apply to places. You can arrive in a different country, a city, a small village, a random mountain, or maybe even a small restaurant, somewhere foreign. And you get a feeling that your business is not finished with it, like your story with this place is just beginning. That another chapter is looming upon you, possibly even a whole novel or series. The feeling that a specific place holds such importance to you that you cannot forget about it, days, months, even years later. That it is going to take more than a singular visit for you to satiate this need. Maybe it’s another visit, maybe a month’s visit, perhaps a whole move. But the thirst will not disappear until you see it and feel it again.

Funny story of my own experiences with this, before actually meeting my boyfriend, my mom had taught him (yes, she was his teacher), telling me that she thought I would like him. A simple case of mother’s intuition. I was 14 at the time, so I thought nothing much of it, however, I never forgot his name, it had always lingered in the back of my mind. Until almost 3 years later, when I saw him in the flesh, realizing oh yes this was who she was talking about and oh was she right. I did not approach him until a year later, because I could never forget the feeling of when I first saw him and felt this sense of awareness - as if I not only knew him for awhile, but understood him. And although I hadn’t, it was as if I knew that he would mean something to me soon enough. A year later and I found myself to be correct.

It has been nearly 5 years since that sensation, yet I can still feel it in my bones and cannot exactly articulate it into words but it is such a specific feeling that this phrase explains all too well. So, it’s nice to finally put the experience into words. The easiest way I can explain it is that not being able to forget about this encounter can mean a lot more than you think, almost like it is unfinished business. And me not forgetting about it and repeatedly thinking how strange it was to feel that feeling over a year is confirmation enough that this was koi no yokan.

And unfortunately, it is not always a guarantee - it is just a feeling, a simple perception. As I said earlier, that is what makes love so tragic, yet powerful. We have the power to make our choices, so everything that you want, that you feel, that you think - essentially lies in the palm of your hand. Perhaps that is the beauty of koi no yokan. It lets you feel the possibility for a moment, as if you already have it, despite it not promising a future. However, let it find its way to you. What is meant for you, will be.

once upon a medieval time …

Once upon a time … was the Middle Ages, where princesses waited in towers for their love, balls where maidens met a handsome prince, taverns to get plastered at, knights in shining armour, and romance, the true love’s kiss …. Scratch that, its more like plagues, public executions, forced marriages and some stanky body odours …

I’m joking, this period is truly one of the most interesting historical spans to research because there was just A LOT going on since it spanned 1000 years of humanity, a literal millennia. If I actually lived in the Middle Ages … I would probably be accused of witchcraft and then sentenced to death. But that’s not the point of this blog! If I hypothetically lived in the imaginary idea of the Middle Ages, I would definitely have a big fat crown sitting on my head. The way I act reflects that of some sort of royal blood in a past life. But, before we begin, I am going to do a different feel for today’s post. My friend gave me the idea of making it more BuzzFeed vibes, so I am going to make this a bit of an educational and historical post on medieval women while keeping the whole completely unrealistic yet realistic medieval vibes going. So making it fun and completely opposite of what it actually was, while explaining the realistic parts of it, if that makes any sense. Shall we begin, ye faire maidens?

The Middle Ages, more commonly known as the Medieval Times, is the middle period of history in Europe, stretching from the 5th century to the 1500s. It is split into the early, high, and late ages to simplify the large stretch of these years. The Early Middle Ages, commonly known as the Dark Ages, lasted from about the year 500 to 1000 after the fall of the Roman Empire. The High Middle Ages lasted from 1000-1300, and the Late Middle Ages from 1300-1500. The main time period to which most of these iconic movies and shows and the whole y2k medieval revival aesthetic are based on is the High and Late Middle Ages, years 1200-1500 specifically.

In pop culture, the Middle Ages get very, very romanticized, but truthfully, if we were to time travel we’d all probably want to come back home within minutes, pounding on the door of the Time Machine to get back in. However, so many great shows and stories have been inspired by this time period, like Ella Enchanted, A Knight’s Tale, The Princess Bride, and the greatest of all time, Shrek. Many fairy tales were based in these times as well, such as Sleeping Beauty, Hansel & Gretel, and Snow White. On Tik Tok, there has been huge trends inspired by it such as the Light/Dark fantasy videos and the y2k medieval revival aesthetic. Now as you may have figured out from my second post, I am a hella romanticizer. So, although the Middle Ages may have been deemed dirty and disgusting, I am choosing to believe it was not only fun, but interesting, lively, complete with good fashion and beautiful scenics. It was a party in the Middle Ages everyday! 

Now, what is y2k medieval? It is a new popculure aesthetic combining historical and fantasy elements with the campiness of the early 2000s. The most perfect resemblance of this is Shrek 2 in my opinion, it has modern hints along with sorts of slang, yet the fashion and way of life reflects that of a medieval era. The aesthetic is typically bright colours, like oranges, pink, blues, and purples, mixed with fantasy objects/creatures like swords, dragons, armour, chains, unicorns, and much, much more. Styles include a lot of flowy sleeves, drop waist skirts, statement jewelry, lace, cotton, and etched fabrics. As I said, Shrek is a great example of a movie that perfectly encapsulates this vibe, however, some other good ones include A Knight’s Tale, Ella Enchanted, Romeo & Juliet, Ever After, Enchanted, and Virgin Territory. And finally, some y2k medieval songs to add to your playlist:

• Holding Out For a Hero by Frou Frou

• Golden Brown by the Stranglers

• Duvet by Boa

• Army Dreamers by Kate Bush

• Once Upon a Dream by Lana Del Rey

• Somebody to Love by Queen

• Sadeness by Enigma

• Genesis by Grimes

• Carribean Blue by Enya

• Cico Buff by Cocteau Twins

• Scary by Bjork

• Harpy Hare by Yaelokre

• Devon by Grimes

• Crystal Ball by Grimes

• Dear Henry by Rise & Fall of a Decade

• Orinoco Flow by Enya

• The entire Shrek soundtrack tbh.

• Anything by Hildegard von Blingin, she reimagines popular music into a medieval fashion!

To throw some fun in here, let’s do a little quiz to find out what medieval woman you would be! Keep track of the letter of your answers to see your results at the end :)

1. You wake up in the morning and are stuck on what to wear, as you have way too many options to pick from. What do you end up picking?

2. You have a free day to do whatever your true heart desires!  Pick an activity.

a. Hang out with friends and do something stupid.

b. Go out and explore new territory! 

c. Hang around the castle. Cooking, reading, creative pursuits …. 

d. Out shopping with friends, spending lots and lots of gold! 

e. Studying a new book and then using your new knowledge to create something.

3. You have a free night. Whatever do you do with your time?  

a. Hit up ye olde tavern with your fellow maidens. 

b. Get cozy in your castle with a good book and some sweets. 

c. Hang around in your tower for your knight to come visit.  

d. Go out to a ball for dancing or watch a play, maybe Prince Charming’s Its A Happily Ever After After All?  

e. Create some new concoctions and such in your kitchen.  

4.  You noticed an abandoned castle on your journey to the village nearby. What do you do?

a. Go and vandalize it with paint and a bat.

b. Check it out and explore new territory.

c. Avoid it at all costs and continue on with your journey.

d. Order someone to go inspect it for you while you sit in the carriage.

e. Go inspect for any thing that could be of use to you, hopefully some gold, maybe some herbs?

5. A mysterious stranger arrives in town. What do you do?

a. Immediately go up to them and strike up a conversation.

b. Approach and introduce yourself. Keep your eye out for potential threats.

c. Hope that it is someone you can befriend or fall in love with.

d. Have your people find information on them before introducing yourself.

e. Observe them from afar. Watch their movements, actions, and interactions.

Answers

• Mostly A’s - The Jester: You are humourous, unpredictable, and always up to something. You thrive on nights out, love to make people laugh, and are usually in trouble.

• Mostly B’s - The Knight: You are adventurous, brave, and independent. You love exploring, trying new things, and aren't afraid to take risks. You'd rather be out having an adventure than sitting around waiting for one to find you.

• Mostly C’s - The Maiden: You are a soft-hearted, hopeless romantic who yearns for love. You enjoy your solitude or doing quiet activities to recharge yourself, waiting for your happily ever after.

• Mostly D’s - The Princess: You are charismatic, confident, and love the finer things in life. You enjoy being social, getting dressed up, and spending your imaginary royal fortune. You know your worth and aren't afraid to be a little dramatic.

• Mostly E’s - The Mystic: You are curious, intelligent, and mysterious. You love learning, creating, and figuring out things that others might overlook. You tend to observe before you act and probably know more than you let on due to intuition.

Let’s get back on track, with a little bit more history between the fun parts, sorry non-history lovers. When you think of love in the Middle Ages, most of us picture princes, knights, princesses, maidens … ah, the romance, the yearning. Dating was nothing like it is today. There was no such thing as romantic tropes, like enemies to lovers, love at first sight, slow burn and definitely no situationships, hookup culture, or boyfriend/girlfriend. Nor was there a way to contact your knight in shining armour without having to wait upwards of two months for a response. Women were built very differently 500 years ago lol, now we can barely go two hours without a response.

Marrying for love as we saw in the movies rarely happened. Women and men married for economic, social, and political reasons. I am sure this is not news to anyone, but marrying for love is really only a recent thing. Additionally, nobody would marry out of their hierarchy - if you were born into a low class, that is where you would remain. They lived under a feudal system - basically proposing that the land belonged to a Lord who rented it to his tenants, known as serfs, hence the term ‘landlord’. The Lord controlled every aspect of the serf’s life, extending to their daughters, so the Lord was actually in control of who the women would marry. Once the woman was married, her husband was in complete control of her and her life. So, unfortunately the tales of a maiden marrying a prince were not ever the case.

However, commoners had more control over their freedom as opposed to nobles and royals. Many had more freedom to chose their partners based on mutual affections, meeting them in natural settings, but they still needed to have some economic potential and be approved by the Lord if a serf was involved. Whereas princesses and princes, or children of Lords, had noble marriages which were typically for advantage and business deals amongst other royal families. They were used to form alliances and many relationships between princes and princesses or upper hierarchies were strictly controlled by their parents, many young girls pressured to produce heirs and were betrothed very young. Here is the fucked up part: the minimum age of consent for girls was 12 and for boys was 14. I literally still played with barbies at that age and was as flat as a board. Yet, girls centuries before me were expected to be married and have babies. Absolutely crazy, thankfully that expectation has died off.

Now courtly love is where all the modern medieval adaptations have gotten their ideas from, which was supposedly a real concept. Courtly love was a code of conduct between ladies and their lovers, influencing literature with an amour courtois theme. It became strongly associated with court culture, the basic idea being that a lover, typically a knight, would completely devote himself to a lady, usually one who was unattainable, like a princess. He then proved his devotion through gestures like loyalty, service, and bravery, as well as romantic gestures, usually poetry. Basically he had to prove that he was worthy of her. Who, when, where, what, why and how did this get lost?

This relationship was meant to remain pure and spiritual, love being declared through romantic gestures, like glances, poetry, and tokens (the infamous handkerchief). If the relationship was consummated, that was a sin and destroyed the purity and nobility of the dynamic. I feel this is a confusing dynamic to explain, long story short, courtly love and marriage were seen as two separate things. Courtly love was devotion, romance, passion, longing, yearning, etc., whereas marriage was for money, land, inheritances, social status and alliances. So, allegedly, this could be defined as an affair, however, as stated, marriage was typically not an emotional investment so not really in the way we know affairs to be nowadays. However, a lot of what we know about the concept of courtly love comes from literature, which is of course mostly based on truth and real-life scenarios, but not always. So while this could have been very real and possible, its certainty on whether it actually existed remains unknown.

Medieval Girl Starter Packs

The Jester

• Eclectic fashion taste.

• Good at comebacks, witty, and has no filter.

• A questionable sense of humour, in a funny way.

• Connections to anyone and everyone.

• Good at theatrics.

• Super artsy.

• Troublemaker persona.

The Knight

• A sword, of course.

• A devoted and undying sense of loyalty.

• Serious persona, independent.

• A strong defensive system.

• Major RBF, but as sweet as a cinnamon roll.

• Knows how to fight.

• A noble steed.

The Maiden

• Head in the clouds.

• Dreaming of all the possibilities, especially romance …

• A bookworm, especially for romantasy and gothic romance.

• Soft-hearted and loves animals.

• Loves to DIY random things.

• Candle obsession.

• A handsome knight.

The Princess

• A crazy good wardrobe, with endless rows of clothes.

• A demanding and sassy demeanour.

• Charming and confident asf.

• Knowing how to work those around you.

• Shopaholic. Loves to spend gold.

• Will do anything for those they love.

• Lots and lots of jewelry.

The Mystic

• An off-putting sense of humour.

• An interest in making random concoctions with any ingredient.

• A third eye, super intuitive.

• Animal obsession, especially cats.

• Love for the celestial bodies.

• A deep love for black and purple, as well as lace and velvet.

• Lavender incense.

Medieval beauty standards were incredibly strict, a tale as old as time that has not changed one bit. Along with not showering and drowning yourself in perfume, here are some proposed standards as depicted in medieval art. Starting off with the biggest misconception: that medieval men and women did not bathe. Now, I cannot account for men since I did not do any research on them, but my guess is that they probably did not. But women were actually very hygienic! Supposedly, they washed up daily, so that squashes that claim.

Moving on to appearances, in many art pieces women appeared to have plucked hairlines and undetectable eyebrows for the standard of a ‘high and noble forehead.’ My forehead would have made millions, but supposedly this signified intelligence and refinement. Unfortunately, forehead size has nothing to do with either of those, but hey! Another one which is honestly super ironic, is that they used lead-based face powders to give themselves a white complexion to confirm to others that they did not work outdoors due to paleness. However, these leads have been found to be poisonous, womp womp womp. Along with the lead-based powders, wheat starch and lilies were other products used, these ones natural of course. As well, rosy cheeks and full lips were in. Women used natural rouges such as berries, roses, flowers, herbs, and mixed with water or animal fats, to put on their lips and cheeks, signifying vitality. Or throughout the day, women would pinch their cheeks for a natural flush. Blush has definitely made a strong comeback though!

As for body standards, a pear-shaped figure, which is wide, round hips with a pronounced pelvis was idealized as the most attractive because it was a symbol of fertility and a woman who has grown into her womanhood. Contrary to belief, having a rounder and fuller figure was more desired than being thin, symbolizing health, prosperity, fertility, and access to food. This distinguished the different classes of women, especially wealthier women, as stated before having lighter skin and now a fuller body meant that they did not do work outdoors. How about work, though? What did women do back then?

Women contributed to the economy quite heavily! The three different classes of women all contributed to different fields of work. If they were not raising children, then lower-class women worked as bakers, maids, artisans, weavers, and tenant farmers alongside their families for the most part. Many women worked as religious leaders as well, typically as nuns or in convent work, which was also a space for education. Middle-class women, usually the townspeople, worked as seamstresses, weavers, brewers, or worked alongside family businesses, as well as raising a family. As for higher-class women, many took on the role of noblewoman, overseeing work around the house. Managing finances, overseeing the servants, arranging supplies, etc. So basically the noblewoman was a manager. Now, imagine a medieval LinkedIn?

• Madeleive Nucelle

  • 1409-1412: Milkmaid at Ye Olde Dairy Farm

    • Milked cows, made cheese, churned butter, and raised baby cows.

  • 1412-1414: Seamstress at Versarchery

    • Stitched, sewed, fixed and made clothes. And threaded the bobbin.

  • 1414-1415: Taverner at The Witches Brew

    • Made … “ale” and some other interesting drinks.

  • 1415: Lady of the Manor

    • Running my own house, full of animals and clothes!

Next game on the list is this or that! POV you are a princess who is an undercover knight, as if that ever happened but the idea is fun so let’s do it.

Lastly, we have the hair and fashion before we wrap up. Looking at 1200-1500 directly, although that alone is a 300-year span, clothing was always seen as a symbol of status. Working women opted for more practical fashions such as a linen underdress with a long wool or linen overdress. Complete with a belt and simple leather shoes, and a headpiece for married women. Colouring on dresses depended on what one could afford, most lower-class women opted for simpler and less pricey fabrics, which usually had little to no colouring. As for noblewomen, this is where all the pretty dresses that we see in the movies come in. They wore long, fitted or flowing gowns, with elaborate sleeves, embroidered fabrics, and costly fabrics, such as silk and fur. They accessorized with jewelled belts, brooches, jewelry and headdresses or veils.

As for hair, they did not get as lucky as us with heated tools! No such thing as a Shark FlexStyle, so their hair must have been literal silk. The braid was the most popular style amongst women. They did singular braids, multiple braids, wrapped the hair around the head, pinned up, or in buns or other structured styles. The braided crown was another popular style, or hair wrapped around the ears. As well as half-up half-down styles and just plain down, although it was not as popular due to married and adult women having tight restrictions on how they could style their hair. It was deemed immodest and highly seductive amongst older women, so typically only younger girls wore their hair down to signify their youthfulness. And as mentioned earlier, the headdresses were the thing. Hennins, snoods, horned headdresses, wimples … they were the thing to have. They were the medieval version of our TNA spiral sweaters.

Medieval Headdresses

The most common headpieces that women wore.

And so the tale comes to an end. I know this is not nearly enough coverage of women in the medieval times, I would absolutely love to do more. But, I tried to touch upon the girly things, like makeup, hair, clothes, all that. Knowing me, I will probably do a more in-depth version of the medieval times as a whole soon enough, but I wanted to throw some fun girly medieval vibes out there in the meantime for the end of summer.

While it has been gathered that the medieval times were not the fairytale that the movies and TikTok make it look like, we can still romanticize the pretty parts despite knowing that it is not what truly happened. But, realistically, nobody on this Earth knows exactly what it was like all those years ago, so it can be whatever your imagination wants it to be. That is always the most fun conclusion to come to anyways.

Despite everything, the Medieval Times remain such an important and interesting piece of history to look into. And while I would never actually want to live in that time period, we can still pretend we are princesses and love it from the comfort of our 21st century bedrooms … and they lived happily ever after!

Here are my favourite medieval memes, I just wanted to share (I know, I’m a loser).

la dolce vita

La dolce vita is an Italian saying meaning “the sweet life” in English, that has been popularized these past couple years, mostly as a good Instagram caption. But, it is a term that has been used worldwide which is actually a cultural mindset focusing on slowing down and finding the beauty of everyday moments, like savouring your coffee, the moments you share with a friend, or anything that is in the present moment, the now. Unfortunately, for us North Americans, this mindset is hard to work around due to the 9-5 Monday-Friday GO GO GO work schedule. But to Italians, and even Europeans in general, this is a popular mindset. This post is going to be more than just discussing the mindset, but about my love for Italy as well, the place where la dolce vita first emerged and gained its popularity. While so many parts of the country are beautiful, and it has been gaining recognition worldwide for it - the beauty, the food, the architecture; the love I experience for it is different. It is the love you feel for your culture - a love that can’t really be put into words, you just feel it.

Some mountain town at night, 2025

While every culture has their traditions that they bring with them when they move to another country, that being their food, holidays, clothes, rituals, etc., it is not the same as simply being in the country and in the culture firsthand. You grow up in an environment where your culture is so quietly immersed into your everyday life, without you realizing it - but it came from somewhere. And living in a multicultural country, it is nice to see all the different cultures of countries all around the world and to keep them alive and passed down to future generations. I love to see people proud to wear their culture on their sleeve, since it truthfully is a part of our identities. However, there is always that miserable group of people online who love to shit on everyone else appreciating and proud of their cultures. I have noticed Italians get a lot of hate for it, with many videos making fun of it, but there’s worse things you can be proud of loving!

To be born in a country full of multiculturalism makes it easier to lose that touch of your culture since there are so many new traditions being formed here and many of the traditions of your true culture do, unfortunately, get lost with time. When I was growing up, my family was a part of a club called the Associazione di Penne (it's actually about 10x longer than that), who kept these traditions alive. We would go to a hall that was for Italians, that just had a bunch of our friends and family. We would come together for Christmas, or the Epiphany and the arrival of la Befana, festivals for saints, and a picnic in the summer with arrosticini, pasta, and lots of gingerale. Me and my cousins had the most fun at these events, doing all kinds of dumb stuff and poking around where we weren’t allowed to. While this was a celebration of our culture, to us it was a yearly event that we were simply used to, since it had been so immersed into our lives. But, this is the preservation of our culture into our childhood years. Unfortunately, we do not have these events anymore, since it appears that a lot of things gets lost with age, but they are memories from my childhood that I will hold in my heart forever. 

Gran Sasso d’Italia, 2025

To begin on my love letter, for those who do not know, all four of my grandparents were born in Italy and immigrated here in their teenage/young adult years, although most find it shocking when I say I am. I have gotten asked if I am German, French, Polish, Russian or any Slavic country to be honest more times than I can count on my hands, although I do find it to be the best compliment that everyone thinks I have that Slavic stare. Apparently, you have to have either dark hair or a schnoz for it to be a dead giveaway that you are an Italian. Anyway, they grew up there, in the Abruzzese countryside, a completely different life than the one I experienced. They were tending to fields and animals, while I was busy making my Ken doll kiss all my Barbies. Which is probably where the fascination came from, how the people who made my childhood experienced a completely different one.

Now, as for the actual country of Italy, where do I begin? I have spent many, many summers of my life in Italy, spending time with family, exploring the hometowns of my grandparents (I can probably walk the winding routes with my eyes closed), going to the beaches followed by shopping, driving into the mountains (and getting carsick every.single.time.) and my favourite, eating gelato at the best gelateria ever in my nonno’s birthtown. I have also visited Tuscany, Puglia, Sardegna, and all kinds of spots down the back of the heel and boot, many of them being when I was in my awkward stage, so I have no cool pics. Tuscany was definitely my favourite spot besides Abruzzo, the rustic countryside and sunsets forever embedded into my mind. It has this specific tint to it, like a filter on a camera lens, that just gives it this magical golden appeal. The cuisine is also just insane - fellow carnivores would love it (I’m kidding I just really love meat). Below is the view I got to see while eating dinner - a Ribeye steak, Caprese salad, and a good old Aperol spritz.

Villa Graziella, 2023

Italy has always felt like a second home to me, I guess I can thank the many summers of my life that I have spent there and also the fact that it technically is (dual-citizenship), but it’s where I feel my soul comes alive, as dramatic as that may be. To be able to visit the home in which my ancestors were born, where they walked and lived their lives day to day, is a blessing. To be able to connect with the culture in which your blood runs in. To be able to see the house in which my grandfather was born and walk among it as he once did. Italy is a culture that has been alive for thousands of years, as you can see by the architecture of the buildings, the preservation of rituals, all the stories, and a culture that I will be preserving until I die.

The lifestyle is also incredibly interesting to watch from an outside perspective because nothing about it is similar to how it is here in North America. For example, the streets past 9PM on a hot summer night in Canada? Dead. I’ve seen graveyards more lively. The streets in a small Italian town on a hot summer night? Full. With people of all ages. Old men and women out walking down the promenade, young teenagers in groups of friends, restaurants are full, music is winding down the streets, and gelato shops are screaming your name (I could cry just thinking about all the Kinder Bueno ice cream that I’m missing out on right now).

It is interesting to people watch too since it feels a bit unserious and so unconventional, which is why I love it, it would make a Karen gawk to see how people act there. It’s admirable how little so many of them care though. You walk down the street and there’s people chain smoking with tattoos that are absolutely crazy. A tattoo that has stuck with me since my last trip is this one guy I saw that had ‘fuck’ on one ankle and then ‘you’ on the other, and as dumb as that may be, its funny because you know he doesn’t care, that he probably thought about getting that tattoo in the moment instead of thinking about what it will look like when he’s 80 years old. When he’s 80 he will realize, ‘shit I have fuck you tattooed on my ankles, what was I thinking?’ But, like I said, the living in the moment is what makes it admirable in a way.

Tuscany, 2023

Every time I have travelled to Italy, I have learned something new. Especially from the majority of my family members who live there. Many Italians do not come from much; but they are some of the happiest people I have ever met. On my trips, I wake up early in the morning, get dressed up to go for coffee and a cornetto at a nearby cafe. Have a small lunch at noon, followed by the renowned ‘siesta’ on fresh cotton sheets that dried outside in the morning sun. My favourite time of day is being awake when everyone is in siesta mode. The dogs are running about and the heat is debilitating, but listening to the sounds of the cicadas is like listening to sound frequencies. Then, once you wake up after the nap, you relax a bit, work around the house, followed by a late dinner with family. Then sobremesa.

Sobremesa is a Spanish word meaning “over the table,” explaining the cultural tradition of lingering around the table after completing your meal with your family. Enjoying each other’s company into the late hours of the night, a ritual for many, but definitely for Italians. It’s the standard in my family. Although I cannot really speak Italian, just understand a little bit, I appreciate these moments very deeply. While my family all have conversations, I get to sit back and appreciate the moment since I cannot converse. To watch the joy and love shared around the table. Observing everything but still feeling the beautiful vibrations and energies being shared and all the emotions. A lot of my family says they feel bad because I have to sit there but I truly, truly enjoy it. Because one day, I won’t be able to sit at that table surrounded by my family.

Mia famiglia, 2011, sobremesa under a tree.

I believe the mindset which Italians have is what is so intriguing about them. It seems as if the things that haunt us North Americans is what drives them. We have worries of money, job security, and so much more so deeply embedded into our minds and systems, that even when you are okay in all the above, people still worry. Although I am aware these worries exist in Italy as well, the importance of it is placed much higher here. Living such an anxiety ridden lifestyle, go go go, what’s next, more more more, is the lifestyle I hope to leave behind me. To focus on everyday moments instead, to be happy to just be alive, not caring if the meal I am paying for that will buy me time with friends and family might get me close to my spending limit and cost me more time at work.

However, what people do not realize is how many Italians do not like the lifestyle there. Many of my own cousins wish their grandparents had migrated to Canada like my own. And while I say I wish my grandparents never did, there truly is downsides to everything. While our economy is not much better, Canada provides much more stability than Italy does. So, as much as the lifestyle in Italy is glamourized, reality is that it is not much better than life here, just with nicer views and better, cleaner food. And a better work-life balance that’s for sure. A stark difference is that us North American’s live to work, while many Europeans as a whole continent work to live. And many live off an amount of money that does not necessarily make them rich and just pays for their lifestyle, but that is satisfying enough for most. Truthfully, most people don’t genuinely enjoy the country where they reside, until you actually go somewhere else and realize it just isn’t as glamorous as you’d think there either.

Costa Smeralda, Sardegna, 2025

However, they are incredibly prideful in their cultures, the traditions, the food, the land, not in the sense of ‘oh we are better than you’ but genuine proudness of their country. Which is what makes the rest of us so prideful, especially here in Canada. Seeing how much your ancestors love their people and their culture and carrying that along with you is the easiest way we can continue traditions. It’s about realizing that what came before you is worth remembering and keeping alive.

Sadly, I will not be touching down in the motherland this year, but I will be yearning for it like Noah from the Notebook until next summer. Which I guess in retrospect is okay since there’s currently a heat wave from the depths of hell and the heat there turns me into a literal demon during a normal summer. However, I have been finding myself reminiscing, going back in my camera roll to see the yellow hue on the night streets and listening to the Call Me By Your Name soundtrack quite frequently. Because no matter how much I try to push it down, I miss that country, clearly, based off how much I can write about it. But, luckily, we are blessed with the ability to recall all the best memories and use these memories to tell stories, to discuss at the dinner table, to look back on and bring people closer together. Many of my favourite memories belong to Italy. Memories I will never forget, that I can hopefully make more of with a family of my own.

Campo Imperatore, 2025

From what I’ve gathered, WOW, I am so romantic over a damn country. But, if you go and take a drive through the mountains, the country, go to a beach, even just walk into a church, whether you’re religious or not, you’d understand the obsession. The rustic and ancient maximalistic beauty is what makes the country so beautiful, especially in a time when modern simplicity and minimalism are on the rise. Along with the culture, full of pride and love, placing importance upon things that matter most. La dolce vita is the lifestyle we were meant to live. To appreciate the beauty of slowness. No rushing, just living in the present moment and letting the future unravel itself in due time.

However, I will say it is definitely easier to live la dolce vita when you have the scenery that Italians have. No wonder it is hard here when everywhere is a concrete jungle with neon signs flashing, McDonalds, KFC, Burger King, etc. But, as hard as it is, we can try to adopt that mindset. Let all the things that we are told we need to worry about travel downstream and place importance on the things that actually matter most. Life is about making memories, family, friends, the sharing of love. I think the easiest way to realize how much these things matter is picturing yourself on your deathbed, as morbid as that may be. Are you going to think about the amount in your TFSA? How you worked all your life? No, you’re going to think about the people who matter, you are going to think of all the places you saw, the people you met, and the memories you made. How you went about life and made your life unequivocally yours. The littlest, most simple moments you should have appreciated and basked in more. That is la dolce vita.

Celebrating my mom’s birthday in July, 2011

Ferragosto, August 15th, 2011

attachment styles & the city

And I couldn’t help but wonder … why are some people so scared to be abandoned, while others are terrified of being needed? You catch my drift here? Since I’ve already taken you guys on 4 dates now, the 5th is for breaking the ice. Sort of. Today, we are going a meter below the surface and talking emotions. Taking a very different direction (a literal full 360, but I did warn you all of this) than last week and tuning into my future psychologist side, here’s an interesting concept I researched for a presentation this year that I hope whoever is reading finds interest in as well, while also tying some Sex & the City in here to keep it light and less scientific. It is also such an accurate and great comparison for what we will be talking about. Let’s roll.

Quick backstory. Earlier this year, I had a class called Motivation & Emotion, which was simply the most interesting course I have ever taken in my undergrad. My professor was amazing, everything he said was somehow poetic and he is unaware of just how much he has impacted my life with his inspirational nature (I am taking a class I have no interest in just because I know he will make it interesting). Anyways, we were required to create a presentation based on an article we found and me and my classmate chose one surrounding childhood trauma’s impact on attachment styles and sexual relations. A bit of a mouthful, but it was interesting to say the least. This sent me down a rabbit hole on attachment styles, which is the main focus here. Let’s begin with some learning and then venture into the fun stuff.

Attachment styles are responses to relationships, whether romantic, familial, or friendly, that describe how people connect and behave in relationships. They do not necessarily mean how you attach to someone - although they are, unfortunately, attached to you - they are just psychological models with archetypes that people will fall into. The four styles being secure, avoidant, anxious, and fearful-avoidant. Disorganized is another term that has commonly been mentioned, but is the exact same concept as fearful-avoidant. They are just trying to confuse us at this point. These styles are essentially rooted in early interactions as a child with primary caregivers, shaping how your adult self deals with conflicts, trust, intimacy and emotions in all manner of relationships. How can infant interactions determine this? A caregiver’s response to both physical and emotional needs impacts this directly. Also, nature versus nurture, anyone majoring in psychology or a program focused on childcare has had this quote shoved down your throat.

Nature being your genetics and biological makeup, however, it does not play a role as big as nurture but can affect your brain and way of thinking, as well as your interactions with the caregiving environment. We are born with many genetic predispositions and biological traits which can affect how one handles emotions, such as dopamine and serotonin levels especially. Temperament is also seemingly inherited (can attest to this), impacting how babies respond to comfort - they can be calm, sensitive, or stressed, etc. But as I said, the role is not as big as nurture.

Nurture being the environment you grew up in, your learned behaviours, the responsiveness of your caregiver, and early trauma. If you had little to no trauma, warm and loving caregivers who were well with handling emotions and conflict, you are more likely to fit a secure attachment style, although it is more than possible to fall into one of the other three archetypes. However, if you grew up in a dysfunctional environment, like so many of us, or one that is abusive, neglectful, and unstable, you are more likely to have an avoidant, anxious or fearful-avoidant attachment style. Keep in mind though that caregiver relationships are not the sole predictor of your attachment style, it is just heavily implied that they can impact them. It is mostly based off how YOU handle your emotions.

Taken from my own essay, here is a definition of the four attachment styles: Attachment anxiety is characterized by a fear of rejection, causing one to be extremely sensitive, possess high levels of clinginess, crave constant reassurance, and experience low self-esteem. This causes one to have the idea that love is inconsistent, unstable, and that you have to constantly monitor relationships to make sure everything is okay. One hold’s unconscious beliefs that everyone will leave you, causing extremely clingy behaviours to avoid so. People with this style may have grew up with caregivers who were sometimes warm and attentive and then completely flipped the switch and were cold and distant. On the contrary, attachment avoidance is feeling discomfort with closeness to their partner, causing one to be very independent, emotionally distance themselves, have a fear of intimacy, and difficulties with trust. People with this are heavily independent and self-reliant, due to previous experiences of disappointment when relying on those around them. This causes one to shut down relationships, withdraw themselves, and pick fights when things get serious. This can be due to a caregiver who was emotionally absent or unpredictable rather than providing consistent comfort. These two styles in a relationship = a nightmare. Carrie and Mr. Big are a perfect example.

Fearful avoidant attachment involves craving closeness while fearing rejection, leading to a push-pull, hot and cold dynamic in relationships. It is a conflict in your brain between deeply craving intimacy but also fearing it. Going from depending on your partner heavily to suddenly pushing them away. This stems from early experiences of a caregiver providing warmth and safety, while also being a source of fear and chaos. A secure attachment style is characterized by trust, emotional availability and being comfortable with intimacy. People with this style can balance their independence and autonomy with close connections, can easily communicate their feelings, and have the ability to manage stress in healthy ways. If you have a secure attachment, then congratulations! You are normal and probably judging the hell out of the rest of us right now.

All jokes aside, having one of these 3 attachment styles does NOT make you any less normal, just human. To be human is to be complex, so never feel ashamed if you feel emotions on a more complex level. Especially when it comes to relationships. Relationships are so incredibly complex AND confusing - they are like a mille feuille cake, a thousand layers filled with emotions, behaviours, experiences, expectations, and so much more in between. For example, you can love someone so much but dislike who they are as a person or you can love someone so deeply but never be able to properly show it, although there are so many other dynamics to go about this, these two are just the first to come in mind. Relationships will always be the most confusing dynamics in our lives as it is incredibly hard to understand why some people behave the way they do and even your own emotions and feelings towards it. Emotions itself are so complex and confusing and what are relationships full of? Emotions. So there’s that. Even your behaviour amongst different people in your life will differ. You may be clingy in friendships, dismissive in romantic relationships, but completely lovey dovey in family relationships. It’s confusing, but most of us can recognize ourselves in these patterns.

Learning about my own attachment style was very insightful into why I am the way I am in certain relationships. It helped me to realize that some of my behaviours are simply just responses to past experiences and that there are ways to deal with your feelings and actions without feeling like you are a horrible friend/partner/child. It also felt like finding a good word bank to fill in all the blanks. So much research has been poured into this topic and how you can find ways to deal with these complexities. Learning of your attachment style can be the key you needed to unlock a door to self-understanding. I encourage everyone to take a short test and look into your own attachment style because it definitely provides some mental clarity :)

Now, if you are having a bit of trouble understanding the different styles, I believe Sex & the City to be a strong and accurate portrayal of the different attachment styles. And if you haven’t watched Sex and the City, well sorry. Now you will understand the characters on a deeper level for when you do watch! Starting off with my favourite (the crowd can’t relate), we have Carrie who is very obviously an anxious attachment, due to her constant hyperfocusing to the highs and lows of her relationships, her craving of reassurance, and her fear of abandonment, reaching for Mr. Big everytime he pulls away. Next, we have Miranda who is very much a fearful avoidant, with major push and pulling tendencies and sabotaging relationships when they get too close, as well as an over emphasis on independence. How her busy job always becomes an excuse every time a guy gets too close. Mr. Big is definitely an avoidant, no questions asked there. He emotionally distances himself, avoids vulnerability and closeness, retreating from Carrie many times throughout the series when she gets too close and vulnerable. I hate him. Anywho, Charlotte is of course secure. She knows what she wants and needs and does not settle for anything less than that. She can clearly display her affections and needs, while being able to walk away from anything that is less than that. And Samantha, is …. Samantha. Although I’d say avoidant for sure. She has no interest in romance, just sexual endeavours and I personally think it’s to protect herself, although that may be obvious lol. Upon searching it up, I had no idea that the core 4 were all based off a different attachment style. Each character has different coping mechanisms and different relationship fears, with each one embodying a different style in response to love and dating. Super interesting to discover that about my favourite show as a psyc student.

I am sure many of you have seen the Carrie Bradshaw horror movie compilations on Tik Tok. While it is super funny and I feel cringe sweat building on my body EVERYTIME, the context of these scenes are actually very relevant to this entire blog post. Let’s start with “Get it while it’s hot!” Just for her to find out Big was moving to Napa. Perfect example of attachment anxiety and avoidance in a relationship! Him not even thinking to tell her he was moving across the country until she found out ONLY when she came over to see that his house was packed up. Now that’s a horror movie. Or “Bonjour! Voila la French hat! Voila la French fry!” Perfect example again. Another scenario of him moving across the world and not factoring her in his decision, and then him saying “well don’t be moving for me”. When she reacts emotionally (by throwing the bag full of McDonalds at the wall and TV), he refracts from her and the relationship to avoid dealing with the emotions. Her willing to move across the world for him, him rejecting the closeness. Or when she showed up at church to stalk him and his mom after he said he didn’t want her to meet “another girlfriend” and then she dropped the bible, exposing her creeper ways. God, this one hurts, but all the less, a clingy behaviour, wanting and trying to find reassurance in meeting his mother. We will stop there, but these are just SOME moments of the push-pull dynamic of an anxious and avoidant attachment relationship, accurately portrayed by HBO. There are unfortunately many, many more but those 3 unfortunately never slip my mind. Now, it’s time for the goodbyes, finishing with a very Carrie line.

And I couldn't help but wonder: if relationships really are made up of a thousand layers, is understanding our attachment style the key to finally understanding which ones we're bringing to the table? Yes, yes, yes! As I said, learning of my attachment style was super enlightening for me and honestly, solved years upon years of questioning and berating in my brain. It gave me some answers and insight into what I need and how I can live with it, so hopefully maybe this is an answer that someone needed as well.

Hopefully all of this made sense for you guys. I know with a lot of the psychological scientific talk it can get a bit confusing but I have a really good gift of making smart things sound dumb and confusing so crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. It has been super interesting to research this again and dig back into my year round job, along with connecting my favourite show to these archetypes has been so so so fun and its always a joy to bring my favourite things together. Below, I will link a short test to find your attachment style for those interested. Thank you for reading and see you soon!

xoxo, madeleine

Link: https://www.attachmentproject.com

are mermaids sea-riously real?

Well duh, I exist. Just kidding, but to kick off summer (this was supposed to go out a lot earlier, my bad….), and my small gradual series on the existence of mythical creatures, let’s start off with a summery one. I have heard of very few people believing in the existence of mermaids, the only person really coming to mind is one of my grade 6 teachers, who believed in anything whimsy or out of the ordinary. I am 80/20 unsure (80 being believing) of whether I believe in the existence of merfolk; my inner child says yes and even my older self believes they could have existed at some point, but the scientific explanations people have gathered does dissuade me slightly. But I’m also not much of a scientific gal so I will choose to believe in the magical parts of the world. Let’s dive in, no pun intended.

We have all heard tales of merfolk for many years and it has been a popular plot for many of our favourite childhood movies, stories, and shows, like Aquamarine, The Little Mermaid, and, my favourite, H2O. It has been prevalent in pop culture for as long as anyone can remember and become a popular trend especially on Tik Tok and Pinterest around summertime, with many mood boards and aesthetic videos of a mermaid aesthetic. Mermaids have been depicted to be stunningly beautiful, with long hair, striking eyes and near perfect faces. They are imagined to be pearlescent and dripped in pearls and seashells, with many blues, purples and pinks and any vibrant color for that matter, and while it is very fun and I absolutely live for it, you will soon come to find out that they are actually not like that at all. While there is no scientific evidence that mermaids are real beings, my favourite thing to say to that is that only 4% of the ocean has been explored so how can we possibly know? Do I believe that mermaids would be beautiful maidens with beauty so enchanting that pirates cannot resist them? No, I think mermaids or the closest thing to them would probably look like a basic marine animal or honestly, super scary looking, almost monstrous. But, my mind always wonders, if these things were never real how did they come to be such a big topic of discussion for centuries?

Although I am sure most of you are aware of what they are, let’s do a quick summary before we truly dive in. Merfolk have been described as aquatic creatures with the head and upper body of a human and the tail of a fish. And while a modern image of mermaids depicts them to be beautiful and romantic figures, this is a fabrication. They have been described as omens of danger and vengeful towards humans across many legends, although some have depicted them as kind figures who may bear gifts to humans. There are many different depictions of merfolk in the folklore of different cultures. The siren in Greece, Rusalka in Slavik countries, Selkies in Celtic countries, Ningyo in Japan, Merrows in Ireland, Mami Wata in Africa, and Atargatis in Mesopotamia. Although I will not be diving into the different cultural types today, I always suggest to do some of your own personal research on it! Merfolk are described as both enchanting and deadly creatures who are known as guardians of the sea, possessing magical powers or abilities. They can ‘shapeshift’ and have captivating voices to lure humans, specifically sailors or those crossing the ocean, to their doom. One specific warning that has been given out for centuries collectively is to never intentionally seek out merfolk. If you do, you will never come back (where do I sign up?)

They first came to be in ancient Babylonian mythology, around the year 5000 BC. The God Ea was said to be half fish, half man, and was known later on to the Greeks as Oannes. But, the first mention of merfolk to humans came from ancient Assyria in 1000 BC, supposedly from the Goddess of fertility, Atargatis, who banished herself to a lake and became a mermaid. In Greek mythology, there have been many introductions of water spirits or mermaid like creatures such as Nymphs, Sirens, Tritons and Oods, which have appeared in many popular stories, such as one that is trending currently, the Sirens in the Odyssey (watched after publishing this, and was seriously underwhelmed). Another popular story is the one of Thessalonike, the sister of Alexander the Great, which is worth searching up! Many of these ancient civilizations have depicted drawings and art of mermaids on sculptures, paintings, and even in architectural designs, dating back as early as 1000 to 1800 BCE, proving that mermaids have been a part of cultures for as old as time. We should also keep in mind that 95% of the history of our Earth was burned in the Library of Alexandria fire, so we have little to no knowledge of anything pertaining to the ancient world. However, the consistent inclusion of merfolk in literature and many forms of art has amplified these myths throughout the years.

Now, ancient mythology is not the only reason as to why mermaids have remained so popular. I suppose we can thank the many people who have reported sightings over recent years, with so many going so far as to fake ‘mermaid sighting’ videos using AI and such and especially those girls on YouTube who convinced us that putting jewelry in water would turn us to mermaids over night. But the real cause for complaint is fucking Christopher Columbus who ‘saw’ 3 mermaids off the Dominican coast and screamed of this discovery from the mountaintops. He never went back on his claim of seeing them and that they were ‘not as beautiful as they were painted’, although it was suggested he probably saw some other marine animal. Along with all the other sailors at sea who reported merfolk sightings but were also dealing with scurvy, low visibility, and just simple misidentification, making it a bit harder to believe. When out at sea for as long as these sailors were, voyages lasting months upon months with barely anything to do, there is no way they did not experience psychological hallucinations. It has been suggested that many of these sailors just saw manatees, dugongs, and sea lions. But something about the ancient and medieval world having mythical creatures and even being magical just makes soooo much sense in my brain.

If you ask modern day humans, it seems that most do not believe in their existence but many cultures have tales of merfolk that have been passed down the centuries and even modern day legends. A current region of the world that keeps these legends alive and omnipresent is the many countries of the Caribbean and seemingly so, many Caribbean folk do stay true to their belief of mermaids. Many state that they have come across them many times in their life, yet they leave them undisturbed. The earliest legends of mermaids in the Caribbean are of Aycayia, which tells of a young woman from the Taíno people of Cuba or Puerto Rico who was transformed into a mermaid centuries ago. According to the story, the women of her tribe cursed her to live in the ocean forever. Some versions of the story suggest that jealousy was the cause behind the curse because Aycayia was exceptionally beautiful and possessed a captivating singing voice that attracted the attention of married men. Other versions portray her as a seductress who engaged in secret relationships with those men. Regardless of the reason, the curse condemned her to spend eternity wandering the sea as a mermaid.

I conducted some ‘research’ (if you could even call it that) on Instagram threads, looking at a thread specifically towards Caribbean folks’ experiences, tales, and beliefs:

Mami Wata, is a beautiful and powerful mermaid, who brings good fortune and prosperity to those who honor and respect her. Her waters bring much healing and has said to cure ailments.

My grandmother used to tell me so many stories about mermaids. She used to tell us to never go to the ocean around dawn cause that’s when the mermaids would come out. If you’re drowning or lost in the ocean and they rescue you and bring you back, don’t ever say thank you.

I live by the East Coast Jamaica. There's nothing but water spirits here. I don't have 'stories' per se, I see them, they see me, and we move along. Especially during hurricane Melissa, they were strung out on the sands just observing.

My mother always told me the lagoons in St. Kitts are known to be dangerous at night, and that there’s an unspoken rule not to go in them after sundown because the Mer like to bathe there at night.

So, I’m Creole & I heard stories about how you aren’t supposed to wear shiny things or shiny swimwear in the water (sequins, metallic, jewelry, etc) because mermaids would think you were giving them an offering (the offering being yourself).

As I said, merfolk legends continue to be omnipresent throughout the Carribean and have also been passed down throughout the generations. However, a common theme I found in these posts is that mermaids are not necessarily considered evil as opposed to other stories within different cultures. They are believed to be dual-natured and powerful; some of these figures like Mami Wata are actually worshipped. They are said to be protectors of nature and disrespect of their waters results in bad luck to those who do so. The Caribbean folklore has been the most interesting to read upon, hence why I have expanded upon it, but now, what about the encounters of those around the world?

Deep diving into the forums of two of my favourite spots that are a bit unreliable but still keeps things interesting are Quora and Reddit. These chatrooms were specific to stories of those that encountered mermaids. Most posts that shared their stories all described mermaids to be unsettling with high cheekbones and sharp eyes, not particularly beautiful and to have pale skin and tails. A lot also experienced eerie shrieking sounds and song-like vocals, one person stating that the sounds gave them an urge to go to the water; this would be the infamous siren call. If you go down a rabbit hole on Tik Tok, you will see that there is a lot of lore surrounding mermaids in many coastal towns/countries or amongst those who live on islands. While its too much information to summarize into this post, many people have seemed to be unbothered by it and continue to live in unison with mermaids, like oh yet another casual day seeing a mermaid, while others have claimed to never be the same after coming across one and emotionally scarred. Many videos I watched on TikTok had people saying they know people or have relatives who were taken away by mermaids, some say they were saved, some say scarred but returned to safety so its hard to know if its real or just bs. However, a common pattern here is that they have all been described to be monstrous looking and not as enchanting as they have been told to be, which matches folklore stories. So many people have reported sightings and it is not a small enough group of people for everyone to point and scream “crazy! crazy,!” it has been centuries upon centuries of multiple cultures preserving these legends along with continuous sightings. But it’s super easy to call bullshit on these stories when scientific explanations come in.

Now onto the short and sweet scientific reasoning (boo). Using some knowledge from my human evolution class, every living organism on earth has evolved from some sort of aquatic organism. There are also many species of humans that have evolved and went extinct, such as neanderthals. Who is to say a species of humans with tails did not evolve? The possibilities are endless when there is millions of years of evolution behind us. However, to debunk this at the same time (and kill a piece of my soul), it is very unlikely a hybrid mixture of a human and an aquatic animal would be able to adapt to all the physiological challenges the ocean would bring upon them. That being body temperature regulation, movement, digestion, breathing, and even reproduction (can’t really picture that, unless they lay eggs?). The waters of the ocean are freezing cold and since humans are warm-blooded, the body would not be able to adapt to these temperatures without limbs falling off. Also, fish and humans have completely different bodies as you may have noticed lol. Fish bodies are a lot less complex, with fish having less brain power and simpler organ systems, as well as one simple intestine while humans have two complex ones. So there is no way for mermaids to go #1 and #2, which would make them like suuuper backed up. A user on Reddit suggested that they would have had to split off genetically very early in order to gain these adaptations, possibly before humans came to be, so I will run with that. Or mermaids would just be a lot less human than believed? I am just grasping at straws now. However, through it all, there is no fossils that have ever been found or anything for that matter that depicts a half human half fish being, although the ocean remains partially explored.

So, if you ask the girl in me if I believe in mermaids, I’d say yes. They live in the souls of us girls/women and are brought out every summer. And to be honest, I do not believe humans can come up with these crazy concepts and random mythical creatures without it being somewhat real or at least a tale of the past, especially past civilizations who had little to no education. So, as delusional as it may make me, yes I believe in mermaids! Life is full of surprises and is all about belief, so technically if you really convince yourself, anything can be real and it is up to you and your imagination to decide whether or not you believe as well. The act of researching and pondering this topic has been super fun and it’s always fun to throw a little whimsy into the world. But, at the end of the day, I do believe the world is a bit more magical than it wants to let on ...

***

If I missed anything or if there is anything else that would be interesting for me to research and discuss, let me know! I am very down for a sequel :) A lot of the knowledge I used was prior knowledge, or from Tik Tok, Reddit and Instagram threads, so here are my citations? if I could call it that lol. Or if you just wanted to go down the rabbit hole. My apologies for poor grammar and organization, I am no scholar.

https://www.quora.com/Do-mermaids-exist-6?encoded_access_token=1119d5a5b4624b22b0784c3e6a8d97db&force_dialog=1&provider=google&success=True

https://www.threads.com/@thehoodhealer/post/DS2O-ealMcM/caribbean-folk-tell-me-your-mermaid-stories

https://www.reddit.com/r/mermaids/comments/y1d9yk/does_anyone_have_legit_mermaid_stories_or/

my 7 deadly sins in film

I was scrolling on Tik Tok the other day and saw someone do this trend, so, I thought I’d participate although I am not much of a cinema expert (spare me if you are) but I am trying to expand my movie palette. I have watched mostly common movies since I typically just love to rewatch what I already know. But anyways, the "7 Deadly Sins in Film" trend is a creative way for people to show their movie taste by assigning films to each of the seven deadly sins. Instead of using the sins literally, each one represents a different viewing habit or emotional connection to a film. Anyways, here is my version!

Lust

Movies I watched because of a specific actor.

• Hot Summer Nights: I watched it for Timothee Chalamet of course, but the storyline was surprisingly good and I loved the 90s summer vibes.

• Saltburn: You can probably assume who I watched for lol. Irregardless, I did enjoy it, I like a thriller that is not too gruesome or psychological, just a total mind fuck.

• Tristan & Isolde: I watched for Henry Cavill and was disappointed that he did not get too much screen time, but at least it was James Franco filling the rest of it. Oh, and the movie was good too!

• Frankenstein: I was anticipating the release of this as I love the story of Frankenstein and heard Jacob Elordi’s performance was fantastic. He exceeded my expectations, as per usual, as well as Mia Goth’s performance, which was definitely underrated and did not get hyped up enough. Her characters costumes and shots being reflected upon real life art was the cherry on top and the overall gothic vibes were killer.

• Gia: I watched for Ms. Angelina Jolie and her performance was showstopping to say the least. Her ability to immerse herself into her roles is one of the many reasons why I love seeing her on my screen.

Greed

Movies I wanted more of.

• Wuthering Heights: A heartbreaking ending to an already heartbreaking story. We all wanted more for Cathy, no matter how wretched she was. I will say I preferred this movie to the actual book, which is definitely a hot take so please don’t hate me for this. I just like how the movie focused more on their love story whereas the book was based on an outside perspective of it for half of it, complete with Heathcliffe grieving Cathy for the other half of the book.

• Coraline: A movie that felt unfinished. The ending had a feel to it that gave the impression that what occurred was not entirely over. Which was then confirmed in the final scene with that damn cat.

• Brokeback Mountain: We wanted answers! How did Jack die? Did his wife know? What became of Ennis? But, sometimes the best movies leave you with so many questions left unanswered. And you can create your own endings.

• Call Me By Your Name: I feel that the ending of their story was so abrupt, but it needed to end that way. After reading the book, the timeline they got was way too short for what they had but the ending was very clarifying and gave us closure, I’d just selfishly love to see more.

• Edward Scissorhands: I wished for there to be more for Edward, as a life spent in exile for eternity was not what he deserved.

Envy

Movies I wish I lived in.

• Harry Potter: Definitely pre or post Voldemort era, but to go to Hogwarts would actually be a dream. Hogwarts feels very comforting to my soul.

• Twilight: Going to high school in 2006 in Forks, Washington, a small, yet mysterious town? Sounds like a dream to me! Meeting someone and finding out they are a vampire or werewolf? Not so much.

• Cinderella: I have pretty much cooked and cleaned like Cinderella all my life, so throwing in a royal ball where I meet a prince and become a princess overnight because my foot fits in a glass slipper? Sounds great.

• Shrek: I really don’t know how to explain this one, but I just want to spend a day in Far Far Away. Going to Farbucks for a coffee, followed by some shopping at Versarchery (yes, these are real names from the movie lol).

• Alice in Wonderland: Not only is it my favourite movie, but the vibes of Underland are unmatched and very comforting to my soul. Nothing making sense but making sense all the less is my kind of place. I’d definitely live in the same village as the Mad Hatter.

Pride

Movies I will never stop talking about.

• Beautiful Boy: This movie is focused on a very deep topic that many people deal with everyday, whether it’s themselves or someone important to them. It also portrays a message that change is possible - that you can beat those odds and come out the other side.

• Waves: A movie showing the story of a teenage boy under immense pressure, which leads up to a bad decision when cracked under said pressure, resulting in one second of anger being his lifelong sentence. The second half shows the grievances of his family and how they deal with this, while also learning how to move on with their lives and all the consequences they face from him.

• Lion: Truly such a beautiful movie that I could only watch once, but has impacted me deeply. Everything about it is so sad, from the way the movie began but also so incredibly beautiful once his journey is complete.

• The Perks of Being a Wallflower: The power of kindness and how that can change someone’s life. How simply reaching out a hand can be the action someone needed to come out of a slump. This movie kills my soul every time though, I wish I could give Charlie a big hug.

• Silver Linings Playbook: This one means a lot to me. The story of two people struggling with their mental health and finding comfort in each other. Definitely a movie worth watching if you haven’t already.

Gluttony

Movies I will never stop rewatching.

• The Hangover: I do love me a good comedy movie and this one never fails to make me laugh.

• Corpse Bride: A comfort movie for sure. I love all of Tim Burton’s animation films, something about the spookiness was always enticing to me.

• Fifty Shades of Grey: Any woman who claims they don’t secretly love this one is lying.

• The Batman: I love all 3 hours of this movie. The storyline. The vibes. The acting. I will sit my ass down and not say a word if this goes on.

• Dirty Grandpa: Don’t put this movie on around me because I will quote every line for the entirety of it. It gets funnier every time I watch it.

Sloth

Movies that rot in my watchlist.

• Mysterious Skin: I attempted to watch this, but turned it off within the first 10 minutes because it was disturbing. Nonetheless, have heard great things about this movie, just don’t know if I can stomach the darkness behind it.

• Casanova: This one is literally a classic that I know I need to watch. There is no explanation to why not, I’m just lazy as shit.

• Moulin Rouge: I started watching and fell asleep after 5 minutes, but never attempted it again. The plot does sound like I would love it, I just need to be in the right mood for it.

• Little Miss Sunshine: Another one I have heard to be really sad and ‘life-changing’, but like I said it takes a lot out of me to watch a new movie, but this one is high on my watchlist for sure.

• Atonement: I have heard this one is really heartbreaking, so have been avoiding it for that exact reason. All the edits I see look really beautiful however, and any romance movie starring Keira Knightley I know is about to be fire.

Wrath

Movies I disliked. Not for particularly bad reasons, but more so one and done due to the disturbing nature of it or was just bored of it halfway through.

• Midsommar: This movie was fucked up. I was forced to watch this one against my will, and it was way too disturbing for my liking. No further explanation.

• Requiem for a Dream: I could not finish it due to the feeling it gave me, words cant even describe it but I guess the closest thing is that I felt disturbed? I ended up searching up the ending on Tik Tok, debating whether I should just continue watching, but the many comments of people saying it was traumatizing was enough for me to close the tab.

• Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: I had been meaning to watch this for a very, very long time and was mentally preparing for it since everyone said how heartbreaking it is. To say I was underwhelmed hurts my heart for sure since I love Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet. The story was just confusing for me. It was overall good, but I do not think I could watch it again.

• American Psycho: It was so good that it was bad? I don’t know how to feel about this one to be completely honest. I can watch it and be entertained but I think it’s plot is kind of stupid (oops).

romanticize your life

Romanticization is the act of treating a subject as more desirable or attractive than it is in reality. It means shifting your mindset to find joy in everyday routines, turning boring and repetitive chores into rituals, and appreciating the beauty and simple pleasures of your day-to-day life. Now, you do not need romanticization to lead a happy life. Nope, not at all. Romanticization is just finding the beauty in everything, even the most boring of tasks. It doesn’t mean it will necessarily make you happier, you will just find a bit more joy in doing things.

Now, moving on to the next point, have you ever heard of these two common sayings: “La vie en rose” or “living life in black and white?” Maybe you have, maybe you haven’t. But these two sort of go hand in hand with romanticizing your life (if you bear with me here). Two other important terms to keep in mind are optimism and pessimism.

We all know people who are optimistic and will say things that are so positive it can sound slightly delusional. We also all know people who are so pessimistic that even if you yourself are slightly pessimistic, their negativity towards life makes you look at life in a more optimistic manner. The people who are optimistic live life in rose coloured glasses while those who are pessimistic live life in black and white. Realists live in shades of grey. You are probably wondering how does this even relate to romanticizing your life? Optimism relates directly, however, in my opinion romanticizing is an indirect way to outgrow a pessimistic behaviour. At least, that is what worked for me.

Those who are optimistic almost always see the beauty in life. They will look at the world around them and see past the details: that scrawny tree over there? That tree grew from just a tiny seed. To a pessimist however, that’s just a scrawny tree that needs more water. Changing this viewpoint is very important if you want to achieve romanticization. The first step is looking at the world around you. Everything about Mother Nature is beautiful and worth philosophically thinking about. Everything around you started as a small seed or clump of cells and has grown into something beautiful; whether it is a tree that blossoms in the spring time or a human being who grew from a little baby to a full adult. As someone who used to have no care at all for nature (which is crazy to think about) the first step I used in appreciating it the way I do now is by going on drives and listening to my favourite music while I stare at the nature. When your mind is in a positive mood (due to listening to your favourite music) you will look at the things around you with a positive attitude as well. Like I said, this is the first step. Associating things that make you feel positive with situations in which you do not feel as positive.

The second step is to almost glamourize even the most mundane, boring, routine tasks. Almost like pretending there is a hidden camera that is filming you 24/7. Taking a shower? Light a candle, set the mood, get a cute towel and robe ready and play some music. Make it fun! Cooking dinner? Adjust the lighting, put on your favourite music or show, and pretend you are on a cooking show and have an audience. Studying for the most boring exam? Get a cute outfit on, go to the library, grab a coffee, and pretend you are in a 2000’s romcom. This is my favourite one: going to bed? Put on a cute pyjama set, do your skincare, light some candles, put on your comfort show and relax in your space for a bit. Then you can wake up and have a morning routine. The little things eventually lead to big things.

Maybe another thing that could work for you is personalizing things to your liking, reflecting you and your personal style. Make your belongings a reflection of yourself. I love to buy cute random knick knacks I find online or in person and put it in my room because everything has a meaning behind it and it is also a reflection of me and my tastes, adding to my personal collection. Turning a room into your little safe haven is an important aspect to do in order to have a space to recharge when needed. And to almost serve as your own happy place.

Once you start to pour time and energy into yourself, everything feels romantic. Your daily routine can start to look a little bit different with a more positive manner. And while I cannot offer much advice on how to romanticize working (since I simply cannot), the little things around it can be romanticized. For example, driving to work, you can admire the nature surrounding you as you listen to your favourite music. And then there is always the anticipated drive home that I think about my entire shift - thinking about what songs to add to my queue.

When you look past something you find to be boring or annoying and realize how lucky you are that you got to wake up and actually do it, life starts to sound and look a little different. The birds that woke you up at 5 am because their chirps are so annoying start to sound like a beautiful melody. The sun streaming in your room early in the morning and waking you up starts to look like a beautiful picture that you’d see on Pinterest. Your older brother waking you up to the sound of him stomping around the house because his footsteps are so heavy? That is the sound that he is home and alive (this one still annoys me slightly). Life is not worth looking at with pessimism because despite the 1 in 400 trillion odds, you made it here.

maddy knew who she was from a very early age

Welcome to the world of madelemoiselle ;)

For my first post, I wanted to introduce myself and do a little get to know me so you know what you’re getting into. My apologies in advance for all my grammatical errors and extreme disorganization. My name is Madeleine (Mah-da-lyn) and I am an Italian-Canadian woman in my 20s. I was born on July 27th to my parents Vilma and Gino, and I have two older brothers and two fur babies, Xavi and Stella. If you are an astrology lover, then my big 3 is Leo sun, Taurus moon, and Pisces rising. I am a university student currently studying Psychology, hoping to study for my masters degree abroad after I graduate. Still figuring out what I want to do exactly with said degree and if I want to get a PhD, but probably therapy or research. All I know for sure is that I want to help people and make them feel heard, while learning as much about the brain as possible.

I have always excelled in the language/English/history realm of school. I love writing and I was particularly good at French and took it until grade 12 - I regret ever stopping in university, but figured learning another language on top of my program would be similar to a jail sentence. I decided to go more on the route of Classics and Ancient Civilization, which I find to be one of the most interesting subjects aside from Psychology. Learning about the world and how humans lived thousands of years ago is rather fascinating. Specifically, I love learning about the dark ages as well as ancient Mythology - specifically Greek Mythology. My personal favourite mythology figures are Aphrodite, Artemis and Medusa.

I love to travel and although I have only really been to Italy (many, many times), the US, and Canada, I would love to see so much more of the world and learn more about cultures, especially the food. My goal is to travel to as many places as I possibly can while I’m still young, but also do the same thing after I’ve retired. My top 3 dream travel spots are France, Japan, and Australia, specifically Paris, Kyoto, and the Whitsundays. 3 completely different vibes. So very like me.

I would describe myself as very shy, reserved, a bit mysterious, and quiet - on the outside. Those close to me would not describe me that way; I am sarcastic, curious, definitely funny, feisty, and slightly stubborn (maybe the opposite of slightly). I have a very thick shell that takes a long time to crack. But once that shell is cracked, you will forget I was ever shy and quiet. I have been told many, many times that I am not what someone expected me to be. I suppose my RBF does not do me much justice. I also cannot describe my ‘vibe’ for the life of me, somedays I want to give Parisienne, other days more whimsy goth, some days y2k diva. So I just go with the flow and do what I want. Create my own vibe.

Rapid fire of my favourites (but I state multiple because I can’t pick one):

1. Favourite movie: Harry Potter & the POA or Alice in Wonderland (Tim Burton)

2. Favourite book: Harry Potter & the POA, Twilight New Moon, A Court of Mist and Fury

3. Favourite tv show: Euphoria or Sex and the City

4. Favourite food: Anything made by my nonna Dora

5. Favourite director: Tim Burton

6. Favourite makeup product: Brown eyeliner or my rhode lip liner in twist

7. Favourite drink: Italian or Mexican coke with a ripe lime (oddly specific) or a Blood Orange Aperol Spritz

8. Favourite color: Pink, black, and blue

9. Favourite holiday: Halloween

10. Favourite animal: Black cats or red foxes

11. Favourite artist: Lana Del Rey

12. 5 favourite songs: Cherry Flavoured, Girl of the Year, West Coast, Each Time You Fall In Love, Beyond Love

13. Favourite albums: Depression Cherry, Ultraviolence, House of Balloons

Although I totally ripped this title off of a quote from Euphoria, it does hold true for me as well. Ever since I was younger, I had a very strong sense of self and what I knew I wanted from this journey called life. I have had expectations and morals that I created for myself that have stuck with me for years and have always known what I want and what I need. What I have always believed in most was that if one really applies themselves, you can achieve whatever your heart desires. That if you believe in yourself, no matter how much or how little support you have, you will succeed because you are the key to your destiny. You are your greatest asset.

I have always picked the ‘diva fashionista’ or ‘soft-hearted’ characters like Cleo DeNile, Jade, Silvermist, Flora, Cinderella, Martha May, Sharpay, Carrie Bradshaw, Maddy Perez and Poison Ivy as my diehard favourite characters. I am a strong believer that a girls favourite characters in books and movies is a way of describing herself (stay tuned hehe). I have always shared the same interests as I had when I was a kid. I loved trying on my mom’s heels and clothes, now I am a shopaholic with a large collection of heels and an extensive amount of clothes that I have to push down so they fit in my drawer. I loved fairy tales and dolls and always believed in anything whimsical, like fairies and mermaids are real (still do). This has followed me into adulthood, with my deep love for reading fantasy and romantasy. I also have a deep appreciation for nature and celestial bodies. I love the moon and learning about the planets - I also have a knack for astrology, although I am not sure if I believe in it, but it’s still interesting to read about because sometimes its scarily accurate.

My favourite thing to do is go on drives in the country with the windows down and my favourite songs playing, typically my monthly playlist filled with Lana and Beach House, with the hopes of my parents stopping at a gelato shop on the way. I also love sitting in my bed and scrolling through Pinterest and Instagram (specifically the girly/whimsy side) listening to my favourite tunes or reading a good book. I enjoy cooking, typically Italian food and baking when I am in the mood to make a mess, which is rarely ever, but I love to indulge in the food of course. I also really enjoy singing, especially when nobodies home or in the car so then I can be loud.

A typical night with me is sitting in bed with a cute Brandy Melville set on, my candle warmer is blasting on a vanilla scented candle, Sex and the City is on repeat, while I down a pint of Half Baked Ben & Jerry’s. If not that, I will be watching general knowledge trivia or some sleazy reality show in the basement with my boyfriend or with my friends doing god knows what. Throughout the week, I try not to cancel my pilates classes two hours before they begin, while I try to go to the gym at least twice a week. But with my serving job it is a bit hard to manage so much physical activity without burning out (something I need to give myself more credit for lol)!

Now, I’d be lying if I said Carrie Bradshaw wasn’t the inspiration behind this blog, but this is also something I have been wanting to do for awhile. It has taken me many months (more than I’d like to admit) to finally be able to post this but with the support of those around me, I’ve been able to push myself to do something that I know I’d enjoy. My goal with this blog is to be my truest self. I feel as if most blogs stick to a certain theme, like travel or cooking, but I am going to write whatever comes to my mind, whether its philosophical, psychological, girly, deep, fashion-related, or even about a good old historical tale. I seem to be most inspired when I am doing something random, like showering or washing a dish and just get swept away by the most random thought and will talk to myself about it for the next 40 minutes. So, I am going to put that here instead of saying it to the shower wall.

I definitely did not cover everything I wanted to and will realize in a couple days that I missed something, but here goes! I have many ideas for what I’d like to do with this blog, but if anyone has any feel free to send me a DM. It would put a smile bigger than the Cheshire cats on my face. So happy to be here and hoping this is just the beginning of a nice, long journey doing what I love best.