koi no yokan
恋の予感
‘Koi no yokan’, meaning a ‘premonition of love’, is a Japanese phrase describing the quiet feeling or sense upon meeting someone that you will eventually fall in love with them. It is not love at first sight, but rather the feeling that love between you is inevitable. The feeling before the feeling. It is also the seventh studio album by Deftones, which I suspect to be a reason as to why the phrase has become so popularized in the Western world. And that album may be their best one, but that’s not what this is about, that’s for another day.
Broken down into its meanings in Japanese (thanks to Google):
Koi (恋): A romantic, passionate type of love or longing.
No (の): A connecting particle (meaning "of").
Yokan (予感): A premonition, gut feeling, or sense of what is coming before it happens.
As storybook as it sounds, it is a feeling that anyone who is intuitive and/or in touch with their emotions is familiar with, always knowing who and what is meant to be in your life. It is a feeling that I, a person who is intuitive, so to speak, have realized through my own romantic relationship and even in my friendships. It is not feeling love immediately, because of course, that takes time to bloom and grow, but as if something has shifted. Like the tectonic plates amongst the very earth we walk on. Slow, hidden and gradual forces which cause not only massive pressure, but sudden changes. It is the recognition of a connection forming between your energies, that it will be of significance. It is also not a hope that you will fall in love, it is certainty, as if your future self is arriving to you in that very moment and confirming that feeling of certainty.
It is almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy, as dramatic as a prophecy in a fantasy film, except it is in your head. But, as stated earlier, it is not the same thing as the term ‘falling in love at first sight,’ it is the urge you get into your brain that’s like ‘oh yes, this is going to mean something.’ The feeling that the love you will share is undeniable, that you would deprive yourself if you do not feel it. That you will think about it long after encountering it, which is definitely true, speaking for myself. The crazy thing is that you can feel this with someone you never actually dated, which is why so many people are so flustered over a situationship or someone who you once talked to and saw potential in. A sensation so powerful that ‘the unknown’ almost always finds a way to haunt you. Possibly the reasoning as to why love is often so tragic is because of koi no yokan? Why so many people spend their entire existence yearning a feeling of the past, rather than the person themselves.
Since this is my own metaphorical take on it, I believe it can apply to friendships as well, despite people stating it is specific to romantic love. Sometimes you just meet someone and know that they will be of importance to your life, just by sensing their energy surround you. Noticing both your energies entwining together, creating a string between your souls. Even when you meet someone and are like oh I want and need to be their friend, it's because you know that your future self already has it and that you can sense the significance of it despite JUST meeting them.
It can even apply to places. You can arrive in a different country, a city, a small village, a random mountain, or maybe even a small restaurant, somewhere foreign. And you get a feeling that your business is not finished with it, like your story with this place is just beginning. That another chapter is looming upon you, possibly even a whole novel or series. The feeling that a specific place holds such importance to you that you cannot forget about it, days, months, even years later. That it is going to take more than a singular visit for you to satiate this need. Maybe it’s another visit, maybe a month’s visit, perhaps a whole move. But the thirst will not disappear until you see it and feel it again.
Funny story of my own experiences with this, before actually meeting my boyfriend, my mom had taught him (yes, she was his teacher), telling me that she thought I would like him. A simple case of mother’s intuition. I was 14 at the time, so I thought nothing much of it, however, I never forgot his name, it had always lingered in the back of my mind. Until almost 3 years later, when I saw him in the flesh, realizing oh yes this was who she was talking about and oh was she right. I did not approach him until a year later, because I could never forget the feeling of when I first saw him and felt this sense of awareness - as if I not only knew him for awhile, but understood him. And although I hadn’t, it was as if I knew that he would mean something to me soon enough. A year later and I found myself to be correct.
It has been nearly 5 years since that sensation, yet I can still feel it in my bones and cannot exactly articulate it into words but it is such a specific feeling that this phrase explains all too well. So, it’s nice to finally put the experience into words. The easiest way I can explain it is that not being able to forget about this encounter can mean a lot more than you think, almost like it is unfinished business. And me not forgetting about it and repeatedly thinking how strange it was to feel that feeling over a year is confirmation enough that this was koi no yokan.
And unfortunately, it is not always a guarantee - it is just a feeling, a simple perception. As I said earlier, that is what makes love so tragic, yet powerful. We have the power to make our choices, so everything that you want, that you feel, that you think - essentially lies in the palm of your hand. Perhaps that is the beauty of koi no yokan. It lets you feel the possibility for a moment, as if you already have it, despite it not promising a future. However, let it find its way to you. What is meant for you, will be.
